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Where, are you Maa?


Beneath the tired eyes and the flimsy dehydrated skin that bruises much too easily and the thin veins that refuse to accept even a butterfly needle….

Beneath the pain and the medicines that are more than the food you eat….and behind the support you need even to walk a few steps forth….beneath the hospital bills and the numbers of doctors and nurses pasted by your bedside…

Beneath the silver white hair and the beautiful wrinkles…

Beneath the vulnerability and the helplessness…

Beneath the words that you have forgotten and the words that come out jumbled and the words that don’t make sense at times, where are you…

Are you behind the words you still remember? Words that you sometimes remember randomly from decades ago…words you sung to me when I was a little girl and my head would be in your lap…words that you said to every guest as the gracious host and words you said as the strong, beautiful, vibrant woman who managed a home and a family and relationships flawlessly…

…and words from the Quran that you still remember…

You are still here Maa…when you forget it all but not my name and you forget it all but don’t forget to pray for me and you tell me not to hurt too much and tell me to prepare myself….

You are beneath that smile that still shines through….

You are my heaven….today and forever.

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About FarahnazZahidi

Journalist, writer, blogger & activist. Currently working for The Express Tribune. Focus on human rights, health, gender, peace & Islam. Idealist. Wannabe photographer. Chaai, traveling, reading, friends and motherhood.

5 responses »

  1. Masha Allah very touching blog base on true roll of maan,shukriya sister let’shave more like this soon.

    Reply
  2. I can’t say that I understand your feelings but still I say it’s the voice of my heart. Allah may bless you.

    Reply
  3. So TOUCHING!! You have shared your pain and helplessness in a beautiful manner Farah! Its really painful to see a parent who once seemed strong as a rock, reduced to a vulnerable child. My Daddy suffered from dementia and I have experienced the slow ebbing of his intelligence and strength! May Allah give you the strength to stand through this dilemma Ameen

    Reply
  4. Tarannum Ahmed

    I felt a lump in my throat and it brought tears to my eyes. Feelings expressed in such a profound way. May Allah bless Maa with better health and recovery soon,Ameen.

    Reply

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